"Because
I died."
I'll never forget that line from "New Moon."
When a little part of you ceases to exist, you'll never forget it.
When you lose a part of yourself, you'll never forget how it felt.
You'll never forget every single emotion that was running through you when it happened.
You'll never forget that no matter how hard you tried, it felt like nothing you did would ever bring it back.
But most importantly, from that point on, you'd try your hardest to never let it happen again.
You learn how to live through it, and you'll learn that even if it does happen, it'll never be to that extreme and you'll know you have what it takes to get through it.
Two years ago I died. And then again last year.
It's one of the reasons I don't like January.
Both times, it happened on the same month.
But the second time wasn't nearly as bad as the first.
I knew I had what I needed to get through it, and I'm not saying it's happening again, but in the event that it does, I know it'll never bring me down as much as it did that first time. A broken heart is an extremely hard thing to heal, and although it's not completely healed, I know there's one person I can thank for helping it along the way and for speeding up the process. Just like anyone else in my life, I'll be forever thankful that he was brought into my life. I search for reasons to why certain events happen, and I finally realized that the reason last year happened was so that I could learn from my mistakes, and learn not to make the same mistakes again. I'm trying, but I can only try so hard. I just hope it's enough.
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