grizzy13's Xanga

I don't use watercolors

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:37:24 GMT

I can't paint in a conventional way.
I don't even use paper.
My canvas is my face.
I paint with eyeshadow.
This is my art.
A sunset on my eyes.

December Fun with Friends

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:01:17 GMT

I had a few friends graduate this weekend, here are a few of the pics

^ This was at a banquet we had for the American Society of Microbiology chapter at our school

^ This is me and Oscar, he was like my bff in college, I'm gonna mis him =[

^ Ashley and Oscar

This is at a restaurant, celebrating Ashley's graduation, oh and that's Carlos

^ This is Katie, she was being Kevin, from up, she'd had a few drinks

^ Me and Kristina

^ Me and Gloria

It was a super busy weekend, but it was a lot of fun. Congrats to anyone else that graduated!

"So now you're calling me up on the phone...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:27:11 GMT

so you can have a little whine and a moan,
and it's only because you're feeling alone."
-Smile, Lily Allen

So there's this boy (oh dear, here we go again). Actually he's my ex from about two years ago. He broke up with me because he met someone else and "had a change of heart." I could understand that, I'd been through it myself. When we broke up he wanted to stay friends, and God knows he tried, but I couldn't go from being together to just being friends, so I told him to just give me some time. Long story short, I finally got in touch with him about a year and a half after we'd broken up, which was this summer. He had a girlfriend. AND he lived in Seattle. This was my insurance that things would stay strictly platonic. All of a sudden, he breaks up with his girlfriend, and about a month ago, he moved back to El Paso. FML. There went my buffer zone of several states of separation. I had no problems being friends. Honestly, I missed his friendship and his sarcasm, but that was it. All of a sudden, he's calling me "babe" randomly. Then he calls me, and wants directions to my house, but I flat out refused. You don't just show up to my house unannounced. That's a privilege reserved for very few people. He kept bugging me about hanging out and wanting to see me, so I finally agreed and we just kinda hung out at the mall. It was okay, it wasn't awkward and amazingly I no longer felt that intimidation I felt when we were together. I didn't have to be super nice, I could finally just be myself, which is someone that I was always afraid to show him because I didn't want him to leave, and yet he did anyway. But since there's no longer that fear, I can completely just be myself. As we were waiting by the car just talking, I was sitting down, he came over and got a little too close for comfort. Then, when I was going to leave, he gave me a hug, one which I thought lasted a little longer than what is apropriate for friends, and I had a feeling he was going for something else... but I got in my car and left.

I've been told to always listen to your instinct, and mine is telling me he wants to get back together. I will forgive anything, but I don't give second chances, not to ex-boyfriends who already had their chance. I hope he gets the hint, hopefully all the times I've been blowing off will show him I'm not intersted. I can't figure out if some guys are dense, or just refuse to get a hint

25 Things

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:04:43 GMT

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
Uh...I tag anyone who reads this...?

1. I'm still scared of the dark. I don't like dark rooms, especially in my house, or being outside when it's dark

2. I can't sleep with my closet door open or have any part of my body hanging of my bed when I sleep, cause I freak out and think something's going to get me.

3. I'm not as smart as people think, I can just remember things really well.

4. I have almost no common sense. Simple problem solutions that would occur to most people don't to me, for some reason I always end up doing things the harder way cause I never think of the easy way. Especially when I cook...

5. I have really crazy dreams and I've had almost every weird experience. I've fallen down, I've flown, I've been a vampire (haha), I've had about 20 where the world ends, but I've only had one where I actually died. And almost dying is a lot worse than completely dying for some reason.

6. I get deja vu a lot. So much that I now believe my subconscious is living on different plane that is happening in the future, and when I get deja vu, it's the memory of my subconscious of things that already happened. Except that when I do get it, I'm always expecting something crazy to happen, because that's how I remember it, except nothing ever does, which makes me wonder what's going on in that other universe...?

7. I've never been one to be attached to my phone. Half the time I don't even know where it is, which is why it takes me an hour to reply back sometimes

8. I love music that has good lyrics more than anything, which is why I gravitate towards indie music, it seems to be more meaningful than mainstream stuff.

9. I was raised catholic, but I stopped believing in organized religion about 3 years ago. Only because I'd been debating it since I was about 14, until I finally realized what it was I didn't believe in.

10. On that note, I still believe in God and probably have more faith than those people that go to church 5 times a week. But I call it spirituality instead of religion.

11. I chew my nails. I've tried to stop about a million times but I've accepted that fact that I never will and that it's a nervous habit.

12. The reason I can read so fast is because I've trained my mind to skip over the small words, like the, and, as, if, of, all those, so my brain only pics up the words that matter to the story

13. Thirteen is my favorite number =]

14. I love to cook. Mostly because I'm a really picky eater, and if I cook, I know exactly what went into my food.

15. Adding to that (cause I'm running out of things to say), I want to have my own restaurant at some point, when I'm a little older and when I can afford to open one. It'll be like my side job between identifying decaying remains =D

16. I'm an opposite superstitious person. I like Friday's the 13th, walking under ladders, having black cats cross my path, except for the salt thing. For some reason, if I spill some, I gotta throw it over my shoulder

17. I love forms of self-expression, and since I can't really paint or draw, I use make-up instead, I just paint on my face haha

18. I also love tattoos and I'm planning on getting about 5. The one I really want is 13 spiders on my ribcage. I also want the ying-yang, the ankh, the Gemini all in a row, the bio hazard symbol, a dragon (I was born in the year of the dragon), faith on my wrist but I'm still thinking of what to put on the other one, and HOPE with "inside all of us is..." inside the O and probably some other stuff I'll think of later =]

19. I've been wanting to leave El Paso and live in California since I was 13.

20. I have such weird mood-swings, that I started thinking I was borderline bi-polar

21. My dream car is a BMW Z4 and I want to eventually get a motorcycle (when I learn to drive one haha)

22. I'm kind of an adrenaline junkie, I wanna go bungee jumping, hang gliding, sky diving, scuba diving and all that good stuff.

23. I'm a lot less cynical now than I was in high school. Maybe because I've actually gotten to see the good in some people.

24. I love the color green because it reminds me of nature, the thing I try everyday to save, even if it's only a little.

25. And finally, I'm TERRIFIED of dying.

Scribbled Numbers

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:18:31 GMT

Write it down,
write it up.
Scrawl it on my arm,
or jot it down on a note,
these seven numbers,
a picture isn't the only thing
that can speak a thousand words.
Subtlety is vital,
it's for help,
it's for just in case,
the true reason never revealed.
A hidden message,
shaded in numbers,
masquerading as innocence.
Scribbled on paper,
typed on a screen.
Let's exchange these digits
and never mention the truth,
the secret of what they mean
buried beneath the ink.

Fun music thingy

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 05:56:24 GMT

(stole it from ourunspokentrust)

Step 1: Put your MP3 player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) of the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: NO CHEATING
Step 6: Limit 3 per person

1. I can't remember anything, can't tell if this is true or dream.
2. For a long time, I was in love, not only in love, I was obsessed.
3. I wanna kiss you, but if I do then I might miss you.
4. And it feels right this time, on this crash course we're on the big time.
5. And it's all in how you mix the two, and it starts just where the light exists.
6. I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl that never wants to be alone.
7. They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books to make a citizen out of you.
8. There's nothing you can do that can't be done, nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
9. Talk to me now I'm older, your friend told you cause I told her.
10. Halls of justice painted green, money talking.
11. Well I was there on the day, they sold the cause for the queen.
12. Cada vez que yo me voy, llevo a un lado de mis pies tus fotografias para verlas cada vez.
13. Our scene begins as a telephone rings, she chokes a gasp at the awful news it brings.
14. Scar tissue that I wish you saw, sarcastic mister know it all.
15. Turn on, I see red, adrenaline crash and crack my head, nitro junkie paint me dead.
16. Do I attract you? Do I repulse you with my quesy smile?
17. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide.
18. Fare thee well, my own true love, I'm going away but I'll be back.
19. The piercing radiant moon, the storming of poor june, all the life running through her hair.
20. Come fly down, like a singing bird, sings your name, I am still the same.
21. You say it's all in my head and the things that I think just don't make sense.
22. Dear Jamie, I've got a letter I would like to send.
23. You're too far to bring you close, to high to see below, just hanging on your daily dose.
24. My mouth is frozen I can't even speak, what a disappointment, I had it perfectly.
25. I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more.

Snow???

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 04:02:49 GMT

I live in far west Texas, more specifically El Paso (never heard of it? I'm not surprised...), anyway, it's very rare for it to snow here since it's in the middle of the desert and most of the time it's too hot to snow. Up until about 2 weeks ago we were still having 70 degree days, ah I miss them... Anyway, through some crazy freak event, it has been snowing all week. Not all at once, but usually it'll snow for an hour and that'll be it. But it snowed about three days out of the week, which is very rare. Again, it was only about 2 inches, but we appreciate any little snow we get. The first day was Monday. Here's a picture I took from my work while I was eating lucnch:

The two guys down there were having a snow ball fight. I told my boss we should all take a break and have one ourselves but he was scared we'd all gang up on him (I have a pretty awesome boss =D). No one wanted to go outside though =/ Anyway, it's been pretty crazy, at least for us. Schools have been delayed for 2 hours twice this week already and last night there was a lot of ice on the roads which resulted in a total of 107 accidents overnight, can you tell we don't know how to drive in this weather? It took me 45 minutes to get to school this morning when it usually only takes about 25, but I didn't mind that traffic was ridiculously slow as long as I got to school okay. Then of course you have the ocassional moron that thinks it's okay to drive 60 mph on icy roads...

I love the snow, but I hate the cold, one of the many paradoxes of my life. I can't decide if I want it to stay cold so it'll snow some more, or if I want my warm weather back. Have any of you guys had snow days yet?

What's your nickname? Who gave it to you and why?

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 05:23:23 GMT

Like my sn says, it's Grizzy. I got it my freshman year of high school, when me and my friends were sitting around and thinking of "gangster names" for each other (oh the joys of immaturity), and mine was Grizzy G (real name is Griselda), but after a while I dropped the G (haha), and it just became Grizzy, and a lot of people still call me that, alomst 8 years later

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Grizzy on Hiatus

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:54:01 GMT

I know it's been a very long time. I don't know how I managed 11,000 views, but when you've been gone for so long, I guess it just happens.

I broke up with my bf in June. The day before I turned 21. When that happened, I just lost most of the enthusiasm I had for writing. Mostly because he'd been my inspiration to write in the first place. It's been a very slow going process, but I think I've dealt with it pretty good. Every day gets easier, and I've found that every day I think of him a little less. It's still a little hard though. Especially since he left without so much as saying good bye. And it's hard when everything reminds you of him. Like motorcycles. And Linkin Park, and All American Rejects, and WoW, and techno music and Cinemark and almost everything else. But enough about him.

School's been keeping me pretty busy, and since my scholarship requires that I keep at least a 3.5 GPA, I'm having to work extra hard this semester so it doesn't drop below that. It's very time consuming, but not impossible. Actually, I noticed that if I had worked this hard all three years before, I could have had a 4.0, but I get lazy and I hate studying and the only reason I'm doing it now is because I have to. I also got a job. I will be working in a lab as soon as I find a professor that has room for me. As far as first jobs go, this one isn't too bad. I'll get paid $10 an hour, and I can work a maximum of 19 hours and a minimum of 0 =D I don't have a set schedule, I just go in whenever I can. I think it'll be good, I like doing lab work, so it shouldn't be too bad.

My goddaughter was born on October 29, 2009. She's the tiniest thing I've ever seen and the only baby I've been able to hold for longer than 10 minutes without crying. Her dad says it's cause she recognizes my voice, and she should I spent almost every day with her mom during the summer and at least once a week once school started. Here's a picture:

Let's see... what else? Yesterday I finally did something I've been wanting to do for a long time. I went to a cemetery for Halloween. We had to sneak in since it was closed and since it's a really popular place for Halloween it's usually closed, and there was security, but we went undetected. It was pretty creepy. At one point, me and my friend both heard a very loud exhale coming from behind us, but of course there was nothing there. It had us freaked out for a good while, but we walked around for about 30 minutes without any more incidents, well not as noticeable as that one. Whenever we heard something we would always try to rationalize the sound, but there was no way to rationalize that breathing sound. And I should get props for jumping a wall in a dress haha. We had gone to a Sweet Sixteen, so we were both dressed pretty nice, but he gave me a boost when I was getting over the wall.

That's about it. I will try to update more, when I have the time, IF I have the time. I had forgotten how therapeutic it could be.

Up/Down of the Day

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 03:48:41 GMT

Up:
- Finally going running after talking about doing it for the past year.
- Going to the library and finding The Elves of Cintra available.
- Finishing my part of our presentation on bioterrorism for PMG (prokaryotic molecular genetics).
- Getting Bones, Grey's Anatomy and Southland all in one day.
- Going to my last organic lab class and realizing how close this sememster is to ending.
- My brother being home early.
Down:
- Getting a cramp about a block into running... Because I haven't worked out in about a month and not stretching because I wanted to go before it got even hotter.
- Realizing I might have to appeal my scholarship because my GPA might drop below a 3.5
- STILL not having resolved issues with my boyfriend, and having to wait until Wednesday on his only day off.
- Being home, alone, for about 75% of the day